What She/He Really Means

What He Said:
"I'm Mitt Romney and I approve this message."

What He Means:
I'm Mitt Romney and the advisers and pollsters told Me that this is good shit that will appeal to voters wavering between McCainny and Me. I love America, can't you tell by the flag and the serious look on my face. I actually haven't seen the add.

What She Said:
"Mitt Romney and John McCain on Immigration"

What She Means:
Look at Mitt, he's serious and focused, he brings his hands together in order to emphasize his power. Look at John, he's an angry crank, who is lecturing you by jabbing his finger in the air like that. Come on, are we in the school yard John? Grow up.

What She Said:
"McCain championed a bill to let every illegal immigrant stay...PERMANENTLY."

What She Means:
McCain doesn't understand the importance of keeping the illegal immigrants illegal. Let me explain, he wants to give them rights and protections. My boss Mitt, and all of you business types watching, won't be able to take advantage of the cheap and voiceless labor. Did you see the angry look on John's face. I searched on Google for over an hour just to find one that made him look like he was taking a crap while dropping bombs on Hanoi. Good choice don't you think.

What She Said:
"He even voted to allow them to collect Social Security."

What She Means:
McCain is a communist who wants to give away the tax dollars that fund corporate tax breaks (for people like Mitt) to those nasty, thieving, lazy people who water our lawns, bake our chickens and roof our houses at cheap rates so people like us can get the second Lexus.

What She Said:
"Mitt Romney said NO to drivers liscences for illegal immigrants. Mitt Romney said NO to tuition breaks for illegal immigrants. And HE authorized police to enforce Federal Immigration Laws. On illegal immigration, there's a big difference."

What She Means:
Mitt Romney looks tough and serious in this picture, let's call him the ENFORCER (our polling data suggests that Law and Order is big with our base.) Mitt knows how to say No, he listened to Nancy just like the rest of the true Americans. No way does he want those illegals to get a driver's liscence because then they would have more equal status and he had have to produce documentation, tax records and other things that might make him spend more on the help and less on his hair. He also said no to an education for the help. Could you imagine if the help got educated? What's next book clubs? Unions? NOOOOOOOOOOO! Bring in the feds...oh yeah, that's what Mitt did.

There really aren't that many differences, because I've looked at the polling data very carefully and have advised Mitt to take positions very close to McCain's except on this issue....oh and did I mention he saved the Olympics?